i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
