So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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