Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He felt like a one man threesome
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
