My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize