Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
