What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
