Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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