i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
