I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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