M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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