i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
