Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
