Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
