I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
