and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize