I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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