So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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