Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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