mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
