you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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