What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
