I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
