Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
