we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You took a bar mat shot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
