a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
