Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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