I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
