I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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