Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
