remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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