Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
its liver damage thursday
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