OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
