He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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