alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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