sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
