Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
