his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
