The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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