so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize