My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
