no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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