take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
