He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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