just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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