I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
