first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
