FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
