My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
someone owes me an orgasm
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
