i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you had me at cake vodka
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
