we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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