just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
