DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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