I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
