i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize