It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
