Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
