I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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