I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
