I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
