I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
