he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
