Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
