Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
