I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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