Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
