Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
