and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
