Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
