is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
