She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
