Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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