maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize