im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
